


I Look Into Your Heart and Discover Myself

by Janie94



Series: Worlds Apart [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood Drinking, I'm Sorry, M/M, alternate season 10 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 20:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3950197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janie94/pseuds/Janie94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is on the brink of becoming a demon again and there's no way he can fight it any longer. So when Castiel is offering a way out, he takes it without hesitation. He should have known salvation doesn't come without a price...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Look Into Your Heart and Discover Myself

**Author's Note:**

> This is an alternate ending for Season 10, so spoilers for episodes up to 10x22 "The Prisoner".
> 
> This scene has been on my mind for the past five weeks (though initially in a slightly different version). I’m currently working on my story for the Dean Cas Big Bang 2015, so I don’t really have time, but since this idea wouldn’t leave me be, I decided to write it down (and hopefully get it out of my system). After 10x22 fucked me up, I figured it was a good time to post this little story.
> 
> Title is taken from "Your Heart" by Damien Dawn.

„Please, Dean. I need you to live.“

Castiel’s words barely register in Dean’s mind while he is struggling to keep his demonic side back. He’s losing the battle and Castiel is his last resort, he knows that, but he doesn’t want to admit it. He’s going to hurt the angel again and the memory of their last fight surfaces. The Mark had enjoyed beating the angel into a bloody mess while Dean was forced to watch horrified, his body beyond his control, mentally screaming at himself to stop. He had barely managed not to kill Castiel, the vision of his death giving Dean enough strength to fight back momentarily.

And now here they are again. Castiel begging Dean to fight the Mark and Dean having to hurt the angel.

What Castiel is asking of him, sounds all kinds of wrong and there is no guarantee it will work, but Dean’s on the edge, the demon lurking barely behind a mental wall and he is desperate. The only thing Castiel asked him regarding this was trust and even though Dean has no idea what's going to happen now, trusting the angel is the one thing he can do.

So when Castiel wraps his arms around him to keep him upright, he does as asked and sinks his teeth into the delicate skin of Castiel’s neck.  
The angel stiffens, but doesn’t move. The moment his blood touches Dean’s tongue, he recoils and tries to squirm back, but Castiel is keeping him in place, one arm around Dean’s waist while the other is pushing at Dean’s head and urging him to continue.

Dean’s skull feels like it’s going to explode and he realizes his demonic side is panicking, obviously terrified of the angel’s blood. So this is working.

Dean manages to turn his head towards his friend, waiting for permission.

Castiel’s blue eyes meet his, warm and trusting. It’s all Dean could ask for and closing his eyes, he lowers his head back to the small bite and sucks.

His head is pounding hard and he suppresses the urge to scream and instead bite vigorously, his teeth tearing deeper into the wound and drawing more blood. A few agonizing seconds pass before Dean realizes he begins to enjoy the sweet taste which could only mean the demon is getting weaker.

He manages to pull back from Castiel, but the angels is still not letting go. When their eyes meet, there is an unfamiliar edge to Castiel’s eyes. “No, don’t stop. He will grow stronger and come back.” Dean wants to argue, afraid he will go too far, but Castiel seems to read his mind. “Don’t worry, I’ll make you stop once it’s done.”

The hand on the back of his head lowers to his neck and Dean gives in. Once again he licks at the wound before biting down hard. The thick blood filling his mouth is an intoxicating mix of sweet and powerful and Dean puts his arms around the body to pull him even closer.

 

-0-

 

The atmosphere changes though Sam has no idea why. The angels are frozen in place, their eyes distant as though they are picking something up on their angel radio. Crowley has tensed as well.

“What’s wrong?” the younger Winchester asks.

“An angel is dying.”

Sam whips around, but the angels that are present seem to be fine. “An angel died?”

Crowley snorts and turns to him with a look of annoyance. “Did you listen to me, Moose? I said an angel _is_ dying.”

Sam is confused. The only thing capable of killing an angel is an angel blade and only if it pierces his victim through the heart. It’s a quick process and by the way Crowley phrased it, that’s not the case here.

His thoughts are interrupted by Hannah in front of him. “ _No_.” Her wide eyes settle on Sam. “What have you done?”

Then she begins to run towards the warehouse, several angels following close behind.

Sam turns to Crowley. “What was that about?”

Crowley’s face is blank, but the realization in his eyes indicates it isn’t something good. “Let’s hope I’m wrong.” And he heads off into the same direction like the angels, leaving Sam no choice but to follow.

He has no idea what to expect, maybe an angel being tortured or already slain, but definitely not this: The angels have stopped right after entering the warehouse, all of them watching the scenery in front of them. Dean and Castiel are standing at the opposite wall and for a brief moment Sam thanks they are in an embrace until he sees the strange way Dean’s mouth is buried in the angel’s neck, trickles of flesh blood staining the white shirt and dirty trench coat. He has no idea what this means, but whatever it is, it’s killing Castiel.

“Dean, stop it!”

But his brother doesn’t seem to hear him and judging by Dean’s lack of acknowledgement towards the other angels, Castiel obviously is the only thing he’s registering now.

The angel’s eyes are closed as well, a small smile on his lips that contradicts the pained lines on his brow.

“Cas, what are you doing?”

But Castiel doesn’t react either and Sam runs forward, intent on separating the two men, but he hasn’t come closer than six feet before he collides with something invisible and is thrown back. “What the hell?”

Hannah is joining his side, her face both shocked and sad. “It’s Castiel. He has shielded Dean and himself off.”

“Why?” Sam asks while getting up.

“Because it’s _Dean_. And this is the only way to cure him.”

“But Dean is killing him,” Sam argues, his eyes wandering back to his brother.

“I know,” Hannah says matter-of-factly. “Castiel has made his choice a long time ago. No matter what the price, he will always choose Dean.”

Sam realizes she is right. Castiel has rebelled against Heaven, fallen, turned human and become an angel again, all for Dean. And now he’s going to die again.

Perhaps they all should have seen this coming…

 

-0-

 

His whole body is abuzz with energy. Dean doubts he has ever felt this wonderful and he tries to figure out what is happening. There’s that delicious taste in his mouth, and the more he drinks, the better he feels. The only proper thought in his mind is a mantra of _CasWantCasWant…._  
But after a few more moments, the flow of the liquid slows down and Dean remembers it’s Castiel’s blood he’s taking.  
He tries to break away, but then Castiel is whispering into his ear. “Keep going, Dean. You’re not fully healed yet.”

He wants to argue - dammit he’s hurting Cas! – but he can’t resist and he moves until he is softly nipping at Castiel’s artery. The moment he bites down and blood is filling his mouth again, Castiel begins humming a strange melody.

Something within Dean is stirring and he is unable to move, his heartbeat speeding up rapidly.

Then Castiel begins to sing softly.

_Olani gemeganza blans ol (I will protect you)_

Dean gasps when heat flashes through his body as though he has been set on fire.

_Ol g-chis-ge tofglo (You are everything)_

He’s burning yet it doesn’t hurt rather than heal.

_Ol g-chis-ge in (You are mine)_

He screams while he is being purified and the dark stains on his soul vanish completely.

_Olani nenni loncho niis ol (I have fallen for you)_

The burning stops and Dean’s vision turns black briefly.  
When his eyesight returns, he notices that he is still embracing Castiel. But something is wrong and it’s not the realization that he is being surrounded by angels along with Crowley and Sam.

Castiel pulls back and the world disappears when Dean’s eyes are being captured by those orbs, the azure blue almost swallowed by an unnatural bright white. There is something unspoken in the air, but all Dean can think about it is how fragile Castiel looks right now, like a leaf in the wind.

The angel’s eyes drop to Dean’s mouth before meeting his gaze again hesitantly. Dean knows immediately what he’s asking and after what just transpired between them, he isn’t surprised. What Castiel has done goes beyond any kind of friendship and for the first time Dean allows his own feelings for the angel to come to the surface.

He leans forward and seals Castiel’s lips with his own. The feeling of pure power returns so strong Dean fears he’s drinking Castiel’s blood again, but then he remembers the angelic light in his eyes. So it’s probably Castiel’s grace scratching the surface of his vessel, similar to what the demon did in Dean’s body.

He opens his mouth to invite more of the angel and Castiel complies by licking his way into Dean who groans before mirroring him. After a short battle that Dean wins, his tongue is mapping out the roof of Castiel’s mouth and he wonders why they haven’t done this before.

The love Castiel is radiating off right now, is more than Dean could have ever imagined and his thoughts begin to tousle into _minemineminemine._

Then he notices a stiffness overcoming the angel’s body and Dean draws back, looking at him in confusion.

“Cas?”

The white light has dulled and it makes Castiel look even more vulnerable when a warm smile is settling on his lips.

When Castiel speaks it’s in Enochian, but for some reason Dean understands them clearly.

_Olani hoath ol (I love you)_

Then Castie archs forward, his head tilting back as surging light erupts from his body. Dean is paralyzed, knowing what is happening, but rejecting it because _it can’t be_.

Castiel’s body slips from his grasp and the light fades away revealing what can only be a nightmare.

Castiel is lying on the ground, his eyes closed as though he is sleeping, the lines of his face smoothed out and looking younger than Dean can ever recall. But what destroys the illusion are the massive wings, their burned imprints framing the angel like a testament to the misdeed that happened here.

“No.” Dean’s voice however rasp and small is loud in the shocked silence of the warehouse. He drops down onto his knees, grabbing Castiel’s arms and shaking him hard. “No, Cas, wake up!” But the angel’s head lolls lifelessly from one side to the other. “Please, Cas, don’t do this to me.” He realizes he’s crying but he doesn’t care. This can’t be happening, his angel can’t be dead. “Cas, I’m begging you!”

The limp body doesn’t move and it begins to settle in that this is very real when Hannah approaches him. “Castiel is gone.” Her voice isn’t sympathetic and Dean is thankful for it. He knows he’s to blame for this and he doesn’t want sympathy. “His grace resides in you now.” Her words only make the dread worse, because he knows she meant it literally. He sucked the grace out of Castiel, first through the blood then through the kiss. And the angel had meant for this to happen, he knew he would die and he was willing to do it because he loved Dean.

Dean fists his hands when he remembers those words and realizes that he could have had Castiel if he hadn’t be such a coward about his feelings. Castiel had loved him all along. And Dean killed him.

He closes his eyes when his grief breaks free and a piercing, raw scream tears from his throat. The windows burst into a million pieces and he hears Sam groaning in pain.

It’s an angel’s voice – _his_ angel’s voice – and Dean falls back into silence, not wanting to acknowledge that Castiel’s grace, all that is left of his friend, is now inside of him. _He killed Cas._

He begins to shake uncontrollably and pulls Castiel’s body closer to inhale his scent. By the time he manages to form coherent thoughts again, he realizes the angels have left and it’s only Sam and Crowley now. Dean can’t meet his brother’s gaze, not wanting to see the pity in them, so he turns to the demon.

“I need to bring him back.”

“You know that’s impossible. Angels don’t have souls, so there’s no place where they go after death. They simply cease to exist.”

Dean knows he’s right. There is no way for Castiel to come back, no matter how much he wants it.

He crumbles and hides his face in the angel’s side to muffle his sobs.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys are interested I already have ideas how to continue this (yes, it would still be Destiel) and make a 10,000+ words story. Just tell me and I'll start writing (and fixing the mess I made).  
> And for those of you wondering about Cas' song lyrics. Yes, that's Enochian, I didn't come up with this myself.  
> Oh, and I know this whole story is kind of cheesy, but after 10x22 I needed this.
> 
> Please leave kudos or comment. :)


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